Posted on March, 7th 2012 by Marie
We sit back and think:
Parenthood is a litany of to-do lists, nagging doubts and endless investments in our children’s lives. We start out as parental protectors and watch our role merge into field guides in the later teen years. By the time our kids move away, our role has diminished to that of simply antiquated “has been” or at best well-meaning old beloved friend.
So obviously for us if you look at your children from a “profit and loss” stand point… this parenting thing makes very little sense. We put MUCH, much more into the “investment” than we are ever able to recover. If we were to look at parenting rationally, it is hard work and it costs us tons of time, heartache and money. Period!
I know… parenting is not a sensible investment or a rational act even. It is the entry point into the most basic shared human experience: The mystery of procreation. Parenting allows participation in the highest highs and the lowest lows we will ever experience. Parenting is at its core a deeply emotional, life-altering, stunning and deeply irrational experience! It can be the most giving, beautiful, emotionally satisfying experience of our lives. And it can bring a sense of joy, fulfillment and pride nothing else can! No doubt about it.
But once we acknowledge the irrational and highly emotional and subjective aspect of parenthood, then it might also be beneficial to realize that when we apply logical and rational measures and start expecting certain things from our grown children, we are really violating the most basic rule of parenthood: We violate the terms of the agreement when we expect to make our energy/time/money investment bear the fruit we expected of it. Parenting is more like an investment in the Greek economy than in Apple Computers: It doesn’t make rational sense! Our kids do what our kids do. They are who they are and there is nothing we can do about it! This might ultimately be more cause for celebration than for worry, once we let go of our expectations and beliefs that we know what is best for them.
Now here is the important part:
The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind…. and I know that you upon a little reflection will come up with just the right answers for you!