Walking through the blues.

Surprise – I Look Like S…!

Posted on December, 2nd 2012 by Marie

Yesterday I thought that I was going to a relaxed Saturday afternoon visit at my friend Jen’s house. We were going to cook together and catch up while our husbands and kids helped out. I was wearing a t-shirt and slippers, no makeup and had barely put a brush through my hair, thinking I was going to do kitchen/cooking stuff.

As I turned the corner in our friends’ kitchen 40 impeccably dressed people screamed “surprise” at me!

Surprised? You can say that again!

After the first heart-racing seconds passed – I realized that they were all there for me! I was the guest of honor – and I looked like I was ready to go gardening!

Do you know this feeling?

In my case it felt like a mix between wanting to run and hide, like I had been “found out” and exposed…

“Oh my God, all these people are here for me and I look like s…!”

As I stood there with my jaw on the floor, thousands of thoughts like the above ran through my head. It was almost like the kind of dreams where you find yourself in public – only you realize you are naked!

After a moment dense with panic and conflicting emotions – a moment that felt like an hour – I let go of my mixed emotions and the thought of surrender sounded like this:

“These people are here for me, and I better just enjoy every second of this!”

And I walked in and hugged each person in that room and allowed myself to just be loved and honored – to be held and cared for. I found out how intricate the planning had been, my darling husband and my kids had planned this for months – and my friends Jen and Steve had been on board with the deception… ahem… planning for many weeks as well. My friend Charlie had flown in from Chicago and taken care of the decorations, my husband and kids had printed pictures of me from when I was newborn to today and posted it on boards throughout the house. Everyone had parked far away as to not give it away – in short: it was a flawless execution over all!

And after I surrendered it dawned on me:

These people do not love me because I am made-up, in proper attire or fancy shoes. They love me because I am me!

How many times do we go through life thinking we have to appear this way or that?

That we have to do or have certain things to be accepted?

And in reality – in many more occasions than we think –  all  we have to do is to show up as who we really are. 

After I gave in and accepted this notion things got a lot easier – and my enjoyment went through the roof. Now, I am not saying that I will never wear a fancy dress or use makeup again. Of course I will. However the lesson was one of really letting it sink in that when I do that, I do it more for myself than for anybody else!

And in addition it became clear to me that, when we “put on” or “keep up appearances”, we are in fact often isolating ourselves, and preventing others from seeing us as simply who we are! We get caught up in our own hype and end up isolating ourselves behind our masks of pretentiousness.

Here we lose sight of what we are here on earth to do: Be fully present with each other!

It is about being authentically who we are,  so we can fully appreciate each person we meet on our way.

Surrendering to the beauty in others have nothing to do with what I wear or how I look. It is about being comfortable and being in the moment so I can allow others in,  and appreciate all that they are!

I learned a lesson. Marianne Williamson says it so beautifully – and I have modified in cursive: “As we let  our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear of not fitting in or acting in expected ways, our presence automatically liberates others.”




12 thoughts on “Surprise – I Look Like S…!”

  1. Happy Birthday Marie!!! Beautiful words from a Beautiful woman! Thanks for always sharing so many wonderful reminders in life.

  2. Beautiful! You are a truly special lady!Your comments to one another (you and Walter) are incredible. We hold a special place in our hearts for you and your family.Chuck and I had our own love grow through many a night at Perqs. We find it hard to go there knowing you do not play there anymore. Stop by for a visit whenever you are downtown.We enjoyed the last visit so much and I’m still hysterical over the reason you had to leave.

    1. Hi Mary… so glad to see you here! And thanks for the comments… Yes – time goes on and the days at Perq’s are no more… I tend to celebrate that though… I will stop by sometime in the new year… we often think of you and Chuck!

  3. Believe it or not, the picture of you with jaw agape is one of the best I’ve seen of you. You look so young and so utterly devoid of artifice – not because of the lack of make-up or styling but because your emotion shines through so clearly and strong. You look completely swept up in the moment – fully present – fully alive. No cosmetics have ever been developed that could give a woman the beauty of your face in that moment…

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"We are more alike than we are different. This is the story of the blues."