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  • Marie Trout

Incubation Blues - Day 4

The initial shock, denial, sadness, and anger of having to sequester in place for an unknown amount of time is starting to subside.

We humans adapt.

Walter and I continue to work. But figuring out how, has been challenging.

Some of my anger has surely been because of a sense of powerlessness of having my (thankfully) healthy husband at home without the ability to do what he does. We are used to working together, but typically with him on the road and me in my office talking to cooperation partners, in meetings, emailing, and sorting through contracts.

When he’d come home, he’d work on songwriting and recording. Now, he has just finished a new album that sits there, ready to be shipped to the label.

Therefore, Walter is creatively purged and just needs to play for people live.

And he can’t.

He gets depressed if he can’t reach people with his music. I depend on being creative as well. This daily writing to you is part of how I am dealing. Walter and I make stuff. We get creative constipation if we have to stop.

Now, here we are together 24/7 in the same house facing the dreary potential of news, Netflix and Facebook as only means of escape and window to the world. Oh horror.

I want to read — but I haven’t had the peace-of-mind to focus my mind on it.

I have been oscillating between gratitude and irritation. Walter depends on me to figure things out and then he executes and shines. I am trying to move festival and concert bookings to later time periods, while also getting new projects started.

His questions and suggested timelines have been stressing me out.

“Honey, let’s get this thing up and running.”

“OK, yes, I agree that is what I am working on with Jillian — full speed.”

“But let’s just get it started and then we can add things later. I really want to be able to send a bit of income to the band.”

“Me too, but we need to figure out what is possible for us to offer before we offer it. We will want this to be of good quality.”

“I understand, but we need to get going.”

“YES, I agree, I’m working as FAST as I can jumping through HOOPS here.”

“You don’t need to yell at me.”

“No, I’m sorry, but you are saying that I am not doing enough.”

“No I’m not, I just want this to happen.”

“Me too.”

This conversation has been on repeat many times lately as my darling tiger-in-the-room has been pacing about his cage.

Our work is now, at least partially, focused on this online platform, that allows us to reach out and invite people into our living room for fireside acoustic performances, father-and-son jams, and other impromptu ways of sharing. It also allows Walter to dig into his archives, which he has never had the time to do, and share video clips and stories from his forty-plus year-long career.

I have been struggling with technology to make this happen so that it is of a decent quality before we send out to subscribers. If it wasn’t for my young, tech-savvy assistant, Jillian and our son, Dylan, who can navigate online labyrinths, I would have been lost.

Yesterday, Walter went live for the first time for a small amount of initial subscribers. I had my debut as camera woman and sound engineer with Jillian watching remotely and giving me input via cellphone and Dylan at my side. It felt good. We are finding new ways of reaching out, new ways of sharing, new ways of contributing.

Now, I need to get a loaf of homemade sourdough bread out of the oven for our breakfast and I am off to work out. Yes, it’s true… and although I can’t go to the gym, yesterday I spent some time cleaning our guest room (since no guests will be coming anytime soon) and outfitting it with my yoga equipment and hand weights. Hey-hey….

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